Just when things were looking up. Just a little.
I had a glimpse of something different, challenging, somehow extra-curricular.
I didn't have much faith in getting a real part in a musical or play, but the fact I took a chance and just decided on the fly to just go and audition was great. So much excitement and pure adrenaline from just trying something new. It may be the better, safer route to not get a part, small or big, but I feel empty again.
I just wanted to push my limit, make Italy feel earned. But so far I'm having EXTREME doubts about it ever happening. Something will come along and ruin it, I know it, I can feel it. Something always does. And I know I'm not supposed to think this way but fuck it, prove me wrong. I'd love it if I were proved wrong once in a while.
I'm losing my faith in friends.
I'm just gonna crawl in a hole and disappear if you don't mind.
This may, in fact, be my last post.
3 comments:
i think your phone hates my phone. i would see these missed calls from you, but the phone would never ring. then i would try to call you back, and it would go straight to voice mail and cut me off almost instantly after the beep. i think i maybe got my phone wet?
i am sorry about the audition. you could still sign up to do tech, which is a world of fun, and a good way to get your foot in the door of the theater department. i did tech in high school, and i loved it.
and, as much as we would all love to be proved wrong, i think that if you are always looking for the negative in situations, it isn't hard to find it.
Listen to what Erin says, she's smart. Furthermore, you need to cheer up. I love you. We love you. Samuel L. Jackson loves you.
<3
Just so you know, there is absolutely nothing you can do to EARN Italy. I didn't EARN France. I didn't deserve it. It just happened, and the experience changed me in such a way that made me deserving of it in the end. That's how you have to look at your upcoming trip. Nothing is going to ruin it, unless you let it.
Also, as a confidence booster, now that my computer is finally running again, I downloaded "Birdcage" and I was blown away. It was fucking rad. And I was going to tell you next time we hung out, but I haven't been able to get ahold of you. So let's do some shit, son, ya herd?
Post a Comment