Just when things were looking up. Just a little.
I had a glimpse of something different, challenging, somehow extra-curricular.
I didn't have much faith in getting a real part in a musical or play, but the fact I took a chance and just decided on the fly to just go and audition was great. So much excitement and pure adrenaline from just trying something new. It may be the better, safer route to not get a part, small or big, but I feel empty again.
I just wanted to push my limit, make Italy feel earned. But so far I'm having EXTREME doubts about it ever happening. Something will come along and ruin it, I know it, I can feel it. Something always does. And I know I'm not supposed to think this way but fuck it, prove me wrong. I'd love it if I were proved wrong once in a while.
I'm losing my faith in friends.
I'm just gonna crawl in a hole and disappear if you don't mind.
This may, in fact, be my last post.